I have a bad habit that I'm sure I have confessed here. I go silent when things pile up, things that distract me from the plans I've made for myself.
Sometimes these distractions are my own doing, such as taking on a gig in my muggle-life of being a freelance performer [although when you put it that way, it's not really a 'muggle' life, is it?]. Then I allow myself the time I need to recover from my fatigue- which often means it's time again to go into booking another gig!
And sometimes it's because of things that I don't have under my control- like difficulties in obtaining a steady source of income. Or feeling inadequate in my own sense of self-worth, when it seems that everyone else is moving ahead while I'm stuck in a Purgatory that I'm not even confident isn't of my own design.
And even then, there is the outside world. The weight of the world's anguish is all the more poignant to my mind as a Piscean who feels things deeply in my heart. Even worse than the usual, I seemed to uncover people who I thought were committed to uplifting the world and healing women, only to show that they only mean it so long as people like me kept themselves respectable and quiet, and didn't allow our passions to boil over when combating bigotry and racism... basically women whose brand of witchcraft was as intersectional as their Feminism [meaning- it really wasn't].
In any event, when instances like this come up, I tend to prioritize what is important in the short-term and shelve anything that might distract me. Like my magical practice. Or my readings. Or even just my own studies into evolving my offerings here, for you guys. I shelve the things that I want to do out of love and an earnestness to help- because I have to hustle to survive in an environment that doesn't even want to see me as hireable- never mind my worthiness as a Black woman, an immigrant, a witch!
And so, I go radio silent. It's like going inward to recharge, to wait the storm out again, before I return to the surface again, and make for land.
The silence is useful, granted. I found my commonplace notebook again, and now I keep it by my laptop- anytime I read an article that has a quote that resonates in my spirit, I write it down. I'm reading articles written by other witchy writers for inspiration. Revisiting my favorite astrologers again, refreshing my mind. Maybe once my current round of performances are done I will even go back to my online courses and resume those studies. I'm actually looking to that!
But I cannot ignore the other voice in my head, saying that my radio silence is me one again falling back into indolence - a theme in my life - instead of what I'm thinking it is [which is honouring my body and mind's need to heal and collect myself in times where things become a bit too much]. Finding that balance is hard - and certainly harder to do right now as i'm halfway through a week-long performance at the local theatre festival here. But it's something I'm working on, piece by piece.
You'll notice some cosmetic changes around the site too - I also cycled back to the older domain name while I work on a way to reinstate my URL again. More importantly however, is the Store: the layout is less cluttered, and now I've even started offering natal chart readings - something I was afraid I wasn't quite qualified to do just yet! But count this as an effort to cure my Indolence.
I hope these new offerings - and the slow return of my passions - will be of great service to you all... and to me as well. I think we can all benefit from a more regular broadcast here, right? *wink*
LINDSAY - Black Woman, Wife, Witch and Resident Blogger of DarkLake Tarot~
What I'm Listening To