... you know what?
I had this long post planned to publish last month about why I enjoy tarot, what it brings to my life as a person and why naysayers can bite me, but between being busy and a lack of motivation, I just... couldn't be bothered. There's that malaise sinking in again.
And you know, starting a business as lofty as this [and let's be real, declaring to the Universe that you will make a living off of your readings is still a lofty goal to have] has been very daunting, and discouraging at times too. I don't have the same drive to put myself out there in the same way as other people seem to do [surprising I'm sure to those who know me personally], and the elements of 'The Hustle' seem both inorganic and... inauthentic. To me and my way of going about things, anyway.
It was enough to me to question, at least once or twice- "why am I really doing this?"
I got my answer about a week ago.
Let's rewind for a sec.
A year ago I was still in the Bahamas, and newly comfortable with the idea of self-identifying as 'witchy' or as being someone interested in the esoteric. Now this is a dangerous thing to be vocal about in a 'God'-fearing nation so I kept my mouth shut and allowed myself to blend in as I once done as someone passing as religious.
The advent of GOODSTOCK was therefore, a monumental and important statement made by a small pocket of Bahamian youth that said- without fear of ridicule or backlash- that there was a subset of us out there who were not cut from the same cloth as our peers. It was filled with people who appreciated both local talent and that good hippie shit- people were buying crystal pendants, getting ornate henna tattoos, enjoying a vibe that was safe and promoted true freedom of self-expression.
It was everything I was I had growing up.
Plus it was co-organized by a dear friend of mine, so of course I went to support. I decked myself out in black and gold, and headed off to see what was up. My tarot cards [Shadowscapes deck] came with me, wrapped with care in a scarf.
I did a few readings for people during my time there, just simple one-card pulls, nothing terribly special or flashy. It was for practice, for exposure, to... simply enjoy the freedom I felt to be honest with myself and what I was interested in, with a group of people that were not just curious, but interested [and not breaking out the holy water to re-baptize me]. It was quite a new thing for me to experience that kind of acceptance in a place I definitely had written off, but I will admit that in the weeks and months since, those one-off readings slipped away from my mind.
Cue a reminder in the form of a FB memory from someone I had befriended at GOODSTOCK and done a reading for that night. I had no idea that he had even made that post shortly after the night- I don't think we were FB friends yet, and at the very least I was not tagged. But he did re-share the post a year later and tagged me this time... well, here you go~
If I ever again need a reminder as to why I read Tarot... why I offer it to people, why I truly and earnestly do believe in it so strongly... then I'm going to remember this post.
I'm going to remember what it felt like to read it- and the other various comments I've gotten from my tiny handful of clients. I'm going to remember that no matter how far this lofty goal of mine takes me, that they [and you dear reader] are the reason why I keep this up. That sometimes all we need in life is someone to listen to us for a moment in time, and walk out of that exchange a more confident, at-ease person- not defeated or dejected. That my ability to be that source of solidarity for others is greatly amplified when I am able to do so with the tarot- a visual medium that I earnestly love to explore and redefine for another person. With the cards I can quiet the suggestions in my head and pinpoint the response I think that you need so that you can continue to be the best You possible. That's my only end-goal.
I don't read for the non-believers, the naysayers or those who can't look past their own prejudices towards a pack of cards, or those who think I have failed to live up to an expectation of theirs.
I read for You, dear reader. And I love what I do. And honestly? That's good enough for me.
LINDSAY - Black Woman, Wife, Witch and Resident Blogger of DarkLake Tarot~
What I'm Listening To